


An ode to insecurity and jealousy

by Saramustdie



Series: An ode to poor romantic skills. [5]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Sexual Surrogate, Sexual surrogacy therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 11:39:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15556893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saramustdie/pseuds/Saramustdie
Summary: The point of no return where Frank and Gerard realize their relationship is not strictly professional.





	An ode to insecurity and jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! thank you girls for the comments, I swear the smut is coming soon, I just wanted to show you where things are going so it's not just a bunch of episodes filled with smut (not that there's anything wrong with those series/fcs) 
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know if you liked it.

_*“If you go to a prostitute it’s like going to a restaurant. They hope you like it so much that you come back and bring a friend; coming to us it’s like going to cooking school. You get the ingredients, the recipe, you mix it all together, you enjoy it and then you go to the world and you share it.”_ Gerard was starting to write some of his work already even when they weren’t even on half of the sessions, but he had already made such an incredible advance on himself, he figured he might as well use all of the information on his thesis while it was still fresh on his memory.

After the last session he went home with a smile on his face. He got out of Frank’s house knowing he had had a feeling he never experienced before. He felt aroused while touching and kissing with another person. He dreamt of that happening, of being able to just be normal in a sexual way but life had proved it to be so difficult for him that it really did feel like an accomplishment when it finally happened.

When the sessions were over he knew he could not thank Frank enough, he figured he would have to get him a gift by that time because what he had helped Gerard accomplish was a difficult task that not just about anyone could achieve.

Frank was such a fantastic person overall he just couldn’t believe him sometimes. He had helped so many people crush their fears and feel comfortable in their own bodies, he knew that by the time he finished his thesis he was going to be so proud of his work that he’d have to go back and show Frank.

He knew that by the next session, they were going to focus on Frank, he had proved Frank he wasn’t so comfortable touching him just yet, so he was going to sit back and allow Gerard to touch him all over, massage him even. He knew he had to do it no matter what since he did feel ashamed for not being able to touch him, but he also knew Frank understood, so it was something he wanted to not think about.

Gerard had been preparing himself mentally for this since he well knew he didn’t necessarily knew what felt good and what was an awkward caress, so whenever he had to or wanted to touch himself as Frank had instructed him, he tried to picture himself between Frank’s legs, touching him all over and just _feeling_. He tried to remember the sounds Frank often made and that helped him imagination to take him where he wanted to be.

Frank had never instructed him to think of him when Gerard was pleasuring himself, he had never been specific about that, but each time he did it, Frank was on his mind. He hadn’t told this to the younger man but he would certainly know once he read his thesis since he did comment already a couple of times that he never felt comfortable watching porn. Frank should understand right? He wouldn’t come off as creepy since after all, Frank had been the only person he had been involved with in a sexual way, so he had to expect this to happen even which made him think of a whole bunch of more questions for the next session. He wrote them down on his notebook and kept working on his document.

He wrote what he remembered about one of the patients he was working with at the same time that he worked with Gerard. She had two sessions per week with him and she had a rare condition that he couldn’t wrap his mind around, the fact was that she was in a wheelchair, she did have sensation on her lower half, she just couldn’t walk, and therefore she was pretty much there each week as a girl that goes to her boyfriend from time to time to have ‘a good time’ which to be completely honest made him a little jealous. They had known each other for a couple of years now and were close to each other, for whatever reason, in his mind they had a completely different relationship to the one that Gerard had and couldn’t help but wonder if Mary and Frank would ever become something else.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t kind of hoping something to happen between them by the end of this, he needed to stop thinking this kind of thing since he was sure his life would go back to being lonely and uneventful, and of course have nothing to do with Frank.

The next time he went to Frank’s house, the shortest did not open the door up that quickly which worried him a little. Being the anxious person he was, he thought maybe he had misheard the date and Frank wasn’t even probably home. He snapped out of it as soon as the door was opened quickly. Frank was using a rope and seemed a little flushed. “Hi! I didn’t realize it was four already.” He stepped aside to let him in.

“That’s uh fine.” He said awkwardly not knowing if he should sit down or what to do really.

“Alright, so Mary came over for her session, we had to rearrange the date but I’ll go ahead and shower real quick then we’ll get started.” He said and smiled warmly.

“O-okay.” He was a little put off by the whole thing. “Is she-she still here?” He asked anxiously.

“Yes, she’s getting ready to leave.” He nodded reassuringly.

“Well…you could’ve kind of let me know? Maybe we could’ve changed the date instead?” Frank frowned and shrugged seeing no problem.

“We can make up for the time, no biggie.” He sat down next to him and held his hand, he knew Gerard was a little uncomfortable. He thought that was solved already, but as soon as Mary got out of Frank’s room, he jumped up quickly and helped her to get to where they were. “You ready?” Frank asked completely ignoring the fact he hadn’t introduced both his patients just to be polite.

“Yeah…oh hi I’m Mary.” She said offering her hand for a shake. Gerard nodded with a tight smile and shook it gently.

“Gerard.” He said simply.

“So are you a new patient?” she asked with an actual smile, it seemed like she would not let go of the conversation so she had to keep trying.  Mary seemed like a sweet girl but Gerard couldn’t help but being a little jealous.

“Yes, I am, this is my uh…fourth session?” He said looking over at Frank. He nodded slowly.

“Yes, fourth.”

“Oh that’s great. How you like it so far?” Gerard opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out fast enough. He laughed making Mary smile.

“It’s- fine I guess, yeah.” Gerard shrugged coming off as uninterested. Frank was a little confused at hearing him respond in such an underwhelming way about the experiences they had had together.

“I’m pretty sure you’ll be very satisfied by the time the last session comes around. I know I like it a lot.” Gerard could sense she was still being nice but she was kind of stepping up for Frank, actually Gerard didn’t even know why he was being so bitchy, he knew he was jealous but Mary was a nice person and he wasn’t a rude guy in general, so this was really getting to him. “I mean, not just the sexual part, I love being able to know myself, and enjoy my sexuality even as a disabled person I actually…” Her voice broke down a little but kept talking. “Never thought I’d be able to get to this point.” She said tearing up a little and looking up at Frank, he was padding her back smiling with nostalgia. He felt so bad now.

“I’m-I’m glad you found someone as amazing as Frank.” He managed to say, he could not even look at him now out of shame.

“I’m the one who’s glad for you. He’s a busy man, I’m surprised he managed to add your sessions to his week. I mean, doing this and being in a band…No wonder why he’s single.” She giggled making Frank gasp in fake horror.

“Rude!” he laughed with her.

“Anyhow, I’ll be leaving you two now, I’m sure you have things do to.” She smiled and allowed Frank to help her out to her car. Gerard stayed there and rubbed his face feeling like an idiot. He felt like leaving, he was getting really anxious.

Frank finally walked in, he did not have his usual smile on, he looked down at him as if he was actually disappointed and that completely shattered him.

“Okay so…What was that?” He chuckled out of pure confusion.

“Did I actually look rude?” He honestly just wanted to double check.

“No, you just look like you’re doing this because someone’s forcing you and that you’re not enjoying what we’ve been doing?” He said frowning sitting next to him. He missed seeing his usual self, this was a face that when still gorgeous, he’d rather not see ever again.

“I’m sorry…I really am, I don’t know what happened. I got really uncomfortable for whatever reason when I noticed she was here. I am really sorry, that was so disrespectful.” He apologized sincerely, he was starting to panic. Frank shrugged it off.

“I know what happened there, that’s why I’m not that upset I guess.”

“What do you mean?” He asked confused.

“You like me. You got jealous.” He said simply, ever so secure of himself. “And I like you too, I get it.” Gerard was gagging, he couldn’t believe he had been so obvious, or maybe Frank was just great at reading people.

“I- we can stop this if you want. I’ll still pay you today’s session.” He said standing up ready to leave the place and finish his freaking thesis plain guessing what would’ve happened if he had completed the sessions.

“No way. Sit down…So I’m right?” He asked.

“I-yes. I like you. You’re an awesome human being and you helped me in a way where…” He slowed down as soon as he noticed he was very clear at his reasoning on why he had a massive crush on the man and realized how real this was. “No one else has made me feel…it’s not just the therapy…it’s not just what you’ve thought me, admiration or being thankful. I’m really into you, and it hurts.” He said honestly. He was so afraid of his feelings, so scared of what was _not_ gonna happen and what he would do when this was over.

Frank stood up and hugged him from behind, Gerard was on the verge of tears, his mind would keep fucking up with him and making him think that this was real, and it made him mad and heartbroken. Frank held him in silence, he had his hands over his stomach, Gerard got his hands over his just for instinct, he at first meant to push him away but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. “Why are you crying?” Frank asked.

“I’m not crying.” He said with a broken voice.

“Well that doesn’t sound like it.” He hummed and placed his face next to Gerard’s to give his cheek a kiss. Gerard had to close his eyes and that’s when a tear finally escaped and rolled down his cheek.

“I like you Gerard…a lot.” He explained.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m here for something that-“ He had to take a deep breath to continue talking. “Is not dating you.” Frank sighed sending shivers down Gerard’s spine. This was the closest he could’ve ever been to having tortured practiced on him just because of the mere fact that he kept treating him in a way that made him feel special but he knew it wasn’t so.

“You’re gonna have to let me do the talking.” Frank giggled. “Have you heard me? I’ve never said anything that’s a negative response.” Gerard was confused but remained quiet. “Have you even heard me saying _I like you?_ ”

“You don’t mean it in that way.”

“Why are you so sure? I’d actually like to take you out for a date.” He said shortly. He could not be serious, Gerard thought.

“You feel sorry for me…or is it a part of the sessions?” Frank laughed and made Gerard turn around.

“Gerard, look at me, I like you. You are an amazing, handsome guy who I’d like to take out on a regular date, kiss and hug because I find you so attractive. That’s all.” He explained while gripping his arms.

“I just…see? I feel so stupid.” He complained feeling embarrassed yet again, he was fucking up this entire thing ever since he walked through the door.

“Don’t feel stupid…now we can go ahead and continue with the sessions and once they are done, we can go on our date okay?” Frank smiled rubbing his shoulders and pulling him closer.

“Is that just a way to get on my pants before we go on our third date?” Gerard managed to joke.

“Maybe.”

 

 


End file.
